


Rest Your Weary Head

by Icyhot_Alchemist



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: 5+1 Things, A few poorly written attempts at serious scenes, A handful of others make brief appearances, Fluff, I mean it is me writing after all, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Some Spoilers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also a smattering of swearing, also mild descriptions of violence, feel free to hate this, just like some references to weaponry and injury, just lots of, mild angst from time to time but it gets comforted so, not like graphic, oh yeah, sorry - Freeform, subtle progression of relationship, wait i forgot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29026824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icyhot_Alchemist/pseuds/Icyhot_Alchemist
Summary: 5 times Ash and Eiji are woken upplus 1 time everyone just lets them sleep
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 22
Kudos: 172





	Rest Your Weary Head

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this is my folder since... July probably and had a handful of scenes left to write for a solid 6 months before actually getting around to hammering them out.  
> I have since realized they sucked to write because they were description and not dialogue which I SUCK at writing. So. Yeah. Sorry. Because I'm sure it sucks even more to read my attempt at writing it.  
> Title is a reference to the song "Spirit of Jazz" by The Gaslight Anthem, because the last thing I posted got its title from a line in the fic and my friend went "why isn't the title from a TGA song" so I guess I'll go back to my usual naming system lol  
> Anyway, feel free to bully me for my writing style in the comments below.  
> Enjoy!

-X-

The truck hit a bump in the road and jolted, jarring Ash awake suddenly. A quick glance around brought the situation they were in rushing back to him. The truck, the “family road trip” (as Max was dead set on referring to the drive out to Los Angeles as, despite the severity of the situation), and-

And Eiji sleeping next to him on the floor of the truck with his arms and legs wrapped tightly around Ash like an octopus, holding the blond close.

Not that Ash wasn’t contributing to the situation, what with his legs tangled with Eiji’s and one of his arm’s thrown over the other boy’s waist. 

Ash vaguely remembered falling asleep in the bed of the truck with Eiji next to him, but when that had happened, there had definitely been at least some distance between the two boys. Maybe not as much space as Ash would have normally required there to be between himself and another person. And maybe Ash scooting close enough to an already sleeping Eiji to feel the comforting warmth radiating off him without actually touching the other boy didn't help the situation either. But even so, Ash hadn't expected to wake up like this.

Not that it was particularly unpleasant.  
Just unexpected.  
And likely to lead to making things awkward with Eiji if he woke up to find them like that. 

With one last glance at Eiji's peaceful face and a final moment of appreciation of the feeling of Eiji's arms around him, Ash carefully began to extract himself from the other's hold, doing his best to not wake the sleeping boy. 

Ash managed to untangle their legs and remove one of Eiji's arms before his movements woke the other. Just as he was lifting Eiji's arm to slip out from under it, he grumbled a little and snuggled in closer to Ash's chest for a second before finally opening his eyes. 

Ash froze and watched as realization slowly dawned on Eiji. His sleepy eyes widened and he sat up fast enough that Ash barely had time to avoid Eiji slamming their heads together in his haste. He peeked at Ash out of the corner of his eye with a sheepish grin, clearly expecting to be met with anger or discomfort rather than the blond’s amused smile. The two of them sat in awkward silence for a minute before Ash finally decided to try to break the tension.

“So the good news is you don’t drool.” Eiji’s blush went from a light dusting along his cheek bones to burning red across his entire face. He buried his face in his hands and let out a strangled groan. 

“Oh my god. I’m so so sorry, Ash. I swear I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry. I-” Ash’s laugh cut Eiji off and he peeked at the blond through the gaps in his fingers. “Please don’t laugh at me right now. I’m fragile.” Ash’s laugh grew louder and he reached out to ruffle Eiji’s hair. 

“Quit apologizing.”

“I have to. I’m Japanese.” Another burst of laughter escaped Ash and he quickly glanced at Shorter, who was sleeping on the other side of Eiji, to make sure he hadn't woken him with his laughter. 

“Well cut it out,” he said teasingly. “You’re in America now. No apologizing.” Eiji finally dropped his hands from his face to his lap and looked at Ash fully. 

“I swear I didn’t mean to, Ash. That was so inappropriate of me, oh my god. I should have had your consent and you probably don’t even like having people that close to you and you just woke up to that and you-” Ash clapped his hand over Eiji’s mouth, cutting off his ramblings again. 

“Eiji! Calm down!” Ash laughed. “It’s fine. I promise I’m not going to beat you up because you were close to me. I appreciate your concern, but I promise it’s okay. Plus,” Ash trailed off, pulling his hand away from Eiji’s mouth, “it was actually kind of nice.” Eiji’s eyes widened in surprise and Ash reached out slowly, giving Eiji enough time to stop him if he wanted to, and wrapped his arms around Eiji’s neck. 

“C’mere,” he murmured, holding eye contact with Eiji as he tipped backwards, pulling Eiji down with him to lay down half on top of Ash with his head pillowed on Ash’s shoulder. 

“You’re sure this is okay?” Eiji asked quietly, his breath warm against Ash’s neck. 

“Yeah,” Ash replied, turning his face to bury it in Eiji’s soft hair, “more than okay.” Eiji draped an arm over Ash’s waist in lieu of an actual response, toying absentmindedly with the hem of Ash’s white t-shirt, fingers periodically brushing against Ash’s side. Ash shivered pleasantly and wrapped his arms tighter around Eiji’s shoulders, pulling his friend closer to him. 

As the two of them settled in and drifted closer to sleep, Ash heard the rustle of fabric from the other side of Eiji, followed closely by Shorter’s dramatic whine.

“Wait, I want to cuddle Eiji, too!” 

Eiji giggled and pressed his face closer to Ash’s neck while Ash hid a smug smile against Eiji’s hair. He lazily flipped his friend off without looking up, too busy getting lost in the other’s comforting smell and his warmth to bother with an actual response.

-X-X-

"Hey Eiji, can you pass me that book with the black cover real quick?" Ash held out a hand expectantly without even looking up from the book still laid open in front of him on the table. He jokingly rolled his eyes at the lack of response.

"Eiji, can you _please_ hand me that book tha-aaat you're using as a pillow right now," Ash finished quietly when he finally looked up across the table. 

Across from him, Eiji was slumped over the table with his arms crossed in front of him and a small pile of books, including the one Ash needed, acting as a makeshift pillow. 

Despite how sweet and innocent Eiji looked in everyday life, he still somehow managed to look even more so when he was asleep. Any tension or anxieties he was carrying seemed to seep away until he was a carefree 19-year-old again who was worried about things like school and a part time job rather than being kidnapped and uncovering a government conspiracy in America. 

It was times like these when Ash felt the most guilty for dragging Eiji into his mess. Someone as sweet and caring as Eiji didn’t deserve to be put in danger because of someone else. He deserved something quiet, safe, and stable. Something the exact opposite of Ash. 

But despite the guilt that sometimes crept up on him when he saw Eiji so peaceful and carefree, Ash couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement and pure euphoria at the thought that Eiji chose to stick by his side time and time again, no matter what the two of them went through. Eiji had seen Ash at his worst, at his most broken, and at his most dangerous, but he still stayed with him. 

Ash rested his chin in his palm and smiled softly as he watched Eiji’s back rise and fall with his deep breaths, content to just watch Eiji for a few minutes. 

A golden beam of sunlight filtered through the high library windows, a bright splash of light against Eiji's dark hair. Before he had time to over think his actions, Ash reached a hand out across the table, intent on brushing a piece of the other's soft hair behind his ear.

Before he could reach his friend, Eiji took a deep breath and shifted slightly in his chair. Ash quickly snatched his hand back and looked away. Eiji blinked his eyes open slowly against the bright library lights. He looked around blearily for a moment, as if trying to remember where he was, until his eyes met Ash’s across the table and he gave the blond a warm, sleepy smile. 

“What were you looking at just now?” Eiji asked, eyes still groggy with sleep and chin propped up on his folded arms. Ash held the book a little higher in front of his face to hide his rapidly darkening blush. 

“Nothing,” he said, voice a little too calm to sound natural. “I was just trying to figure out the best way to get my book back from you, that’s all.” 

“Which one?”

“The one with the black cover.” Eiji immediately pushed the book across the table to Ash.

“Well you could have just asked,” he said, words distorted by his yawn. Ash stifled a groan and accepted the book with a tight smile.

“Wild. Never would have thought of that. I’ll try that next time.”

\-----

Ash had a tendency to fall asleep easily. Eiji learned that shortly after he started living with Ash. When they watched a movie together or had some time to relax in the evening, Ash would often be asleep within a few minutes. Sometimes he would last an hour or so, but by the 45 minute mark Eiji would notice the other's head bobbing and his eyelids sliding shut more and more frequently.

It surprised Eiji at first. He hasn't expected someone who had grown up in such a volatile and dangerous life to fall asleep so easily. But he supposed that being on alert all the time and never really knowing when the next time he would be able to sleep meant Ash's body probably jumped on any chance at rest it got. 

So it didn’t come as much of a surprise when Ash’s head fell against his shoulder while they were watching a movie together one evening. Eiji glanced down at his friend out of the corner of his eye with a fond smile. 

“Do you want to go to bed, Ash?” 

“No, I’m good. Jus’ watchin’ the movie,” the blond mumbled, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the television in front of him. Eiji smothered a small laugh behind his hand. He was pretty sure Ash was already asleep. He shifted so his back was against the arm of the couch and his legs stretched across it, pulling Ash, plient in his sleep, by the shoulder to lay on top of him with his head pillowed on Eiji’s chest. 

“Comfy?” Eiji asked. Ash murmured something unintelligible in response, turning his head to nuzzle against Eiji’s collarbone. Eiji smiled and ran his hand gently up and down Ash’s back, turning to focus on the boy on top of him rather than the movie. 

Ash was beautiful. That was just a fact of the universe that everyone who met him knew. The sky was blue, water is wet, and Ash Lynx was breathtakingly beautiful. 

But one of Eiji’s favorite looks was when Ash was asleep, which ranked up there with Ash smiling and the soft, open looks he sometimes caught Ash giving him. Asleep, Ash looked soft and vulnerable. More like the 17-year-old boy he was and less like the cold-blooded gang leader the world saw him as. His mouth would become soft and his lips would fall open a tiny bit as his breath deepened and evened out. Whenever Eiji saw him asleep in his own bed, Ash would be sprawled out, taking up as much space as possible. But when he fell asleep with Eiji like this, he had a tendency to make himself as small as possible, curling up tightly against Eiji.

Eiji felt a rush of pride at the fact that he got to see Ash like this. That the other boy was comfortable enough around him to let himself be vulnerable and defenseless like that. That he trusted Eiji. 

A woman in the movie screamed, causing Eiji to jolt and startle Ash awake. Ash’s head whipped up and he quickly glanced around the room to assess the situation. Once he realized that the noise was just from the movie and there was no real danger, he flopped down hard back onto Eiji’s chest. Eiji let out a breathless laugh and wrapped his arms loosely around Ash’s waist, holding him in place. Ash glanced up at Eiji for a second, taking in his soft smile, and settled easily back into his previous position. 

"What're you looking at?" Ash grumbled sleepily, his eyes already drifting shut again. Eiji beamed down at him.

"Just watching you sleep." Ash groaned and blindly grabbed a pillow and swung it in the general direction of Eiji's head, missing him by a mile.

“Pervert.”

-X-X-X-

Eiji groaned in pain as consciousness returned to him. He had been in the hospital a couple of days recovering from the gunshot to the abdomen, but his body still hurt whenever he tried to move. He laid still with his eyes shut a little longer as he continued to wake up fully, taking stock of how he was feeling.

The IV was still in his arm.  
The thin but warm hospital blanket was pulled up to his chest.  
There was still a deep pain in his side.  
There was an unfamiliar weight on his shoulder, hip, and one of his legs.  
And there was the now familiar scent of blood, dirt, and

“Ash,” Eiji whispered. His eyes flew open and he looked down to find that the blond had squeezed onto one side of Eiji’s hospital bed, half on top of Eiji with his head resting on Eiji’s shoulder, an arm thrown low over his waist and a leg twined with his. From his vantage point, Eiji couldn’t see the other’s face, but from his loose grip on Eiji’s shirt and his slow, even breaths, it wasn’t hard to assume that Ash was asleep as well. 

Eiji lasted only a handful of seconds, while the realization that Ash was there with him set in, before he could feel tears of joy and relief burning the corners of his eyes. Any consideration for pain or not wanting to disturb the other boy while he slept were thrown out the window as Eiji sat up as well as he could and wrapped his arms around Ash’s shoulders, pulling the blond against him tightly and burying his face in soft golden hair. 

The sudden movement shook Ash awake and he was quick to bring them even closer, scooting up so he could press his face deep against Eiji’s neck and wrap his arm around Eiji’s ribcage, almost stealing the breath from the other boy with how tightly he held him. Eiji felt tears slip from Ash’s eyes onto his skin. He threaded a hand through Ash’s hair and pressed him even closer, as if he was afraid that any amount of space between them would grow into an insurmountable distance in the blink of an eye. 

Eiji wasn’t sure how long the two of them laid there together in silence. Just having the other close enough to touch was enough for both of them for the moment. Eiji continued to feel Ash’s tears wet his skin, his own tears periodically overflowing from his eyes and tracking down his cheeks to disappear in Ash’s hair. After a while, Ash cleared his throat and sucked in a shuddering breath.

“I want to go to Japan with you,” he whispered into the dark room. His lips brushed Eiji’s neck as he spoke. “I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t want to carry a gun, I don’t want to kill, I don’t want to hide, I don’t want any of it. I just want…” he cut himself off with a broken sob. 

“I just want you, Eiji.”

Eiji tightened his grip on Ash’s hair as the blond started crying harder, the admission leaving him open and defenseless in a way the fierce gang leader had rarely been before. 

“Please,” Ash sobbed, “let me stay by your side. Let me come to Japan with you. I-” Ash clutched Eiji’s shirt in a white knuckle grip and pressed his face impossibly further against his neck, muffling his words so Eiji could just barely make out what he was saying. 

“I love you, Eiji.”

Eiji used his hold on Ash’s hair to tilt the boy’s head back enough to allow him to pull the blond into a kiss, their first since Eiji had gone to visit Ash in jail and their first where there was no ulterior motive. He tried to pour everything he was feeling, everything he had felt the past couple days, into the kiss.

The pain when they had taken him away from Ash.  
The fear that he was going to lose Ash forever.  
The relief when Ash came back to him alive.  
The love that he felt for Ash. 

Ash surged forward to deepen their kiss. It tasted of blood and salt and home and Eiji couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. 

They separated to catch their breaths but Ash stayed close, resting his forehead against Eiji’s and keeping their lips barely a hair’s breadth apart. Eiji pressed another quick kiss to Ash’s lips, not lingering for more than a second before he pulled back again. 

“I love you too, Ash,” he murmured against the other’s lips. He brought his hands down from Ash’s hair to cup his cheeks and gently wiped away the tears tracking down the blond’s face. He gave Ash a small smile. 

“I love you so much. I want you- No, I need you to come back to Japan with me. Start over. No more guns. No more violence. We can get an apartment and go to school. We can live normal lives. Just… Just stay with me, Ash. No matter what.”

Ash bit his lip and nodded, tears once again threatening to spill forth. However these, unlike the tears he had cried up til that point, were tears of joy and hope. 

“It’s decided then,” Eiji said. “You’re coming back to Japan with me and I’m never letting go of you.”

“That sounds perfect,” Ash replied quietly. Eiji kissed Ash’s forehead and nudged his shoulder gently. 

“You should get some sleep. We’re leaving pretty early in the morning, after all.” Eiji felt Ash’s arm around him tighten.

“You and Ibe?” Eiji nodded in response, stroking Ash’s hair as the blond settled down next to Eiji on the cramped hospital bed.

“You, me and Ibe.” Ash froze and slowly looked up at Eiji with shock and excitement clear in his eyes.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Eiji said with a nod. “I might have bought you a ticket when we were buying ours. Call it trying to speak something into existence.” 

Ash continued to stare up at Eiji, frozen in surprise. The blond’s lack of response wore on long enough that Eiji started to wonder if he had made the wrong decision.

“I’m sorry if that was too forward of me, Ash. I just wanted to get you away from all this as soon as I could. I just-” Eiji was cut off by Ash moving to straddle his hips, careful not to jostle his wound, and kissing him deeply, leaving Eiji breathless. Ash smiled and pressed a kiss to Eiji’s forehead. 

“Thank you. I love you.” A kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” The other cheek. “You do stupid things sometimes…” The corner of his mouth. “But you’re still perfect.” His jaw just below his ear. “I love you.” The corner of his eye. “I can’t wait to start a life with you.” The tip of his nose. “I love you.” His lips. 

Eiji smiled and pulled Ash down to lay next to him. He turned on his side the best he could and threw an arm over Ash’s waist, holding him close as they settled into a more comfortable position. 

“Get some sleep, Ash,” Eiji whispered against the blond’s hair. “Tomorrow, we’re going home.” Ash smiled against Eiji’s collar bone.

“Yeah,” he whispered, barely loud enough for Eiji to catch. “Home.”

-X-X-X-X-

“Ash, time to get up,” Ash heard Eiji whisper close to his ear, shaking his shoulder gently. The blond groaned and blindly reached for Eiji’s shoulder and pushed him away with no real force behind the action.

“Lemme sleeeeeeep,” he whined, turning onto his side to snuggle even closer to Eiji’s warmth. He felt rather than heard his boyfriend’s laugh, his body shaking slightly as he pressed a kiss to the top of Ash’s hair. 

“We have to get up, Ash,” Eiji said quietly, moving to sit up and get out of bed. “You have class and I’m supposed to meet Ibe for a job.” Ash reached out in the direction the other’s voice was coming from and managed to snag the edge of Eiji’s shirt without even opening his eyes. He gripped the other’s shirt and tugged hard, managing to catch his boyfriend off balance and pull him back onto the bed with him. Eiji’s surprised yelp quickly turned into loud laughter as Ash wrapped his arms and legs tightly around Eiji, trapping the other man in bed with him. 

“Ash,” Eiji laughed and squirmed in Ash’s octopus-like hold until he was facing the blond. Ash felt Eiji run his fingers through Ash’ blond hair for a minute, almost lulling him back to sleep. 

Suddenly, there were lips against his. The kiss started soft but it didn’t take long until Eiji deepened it, hooking one leg over Ash's hip while Ash's hand instinctively gripped his thigh to keep him from pulling away. 

Eiji reached down and grabbed Ash’s hand on his thigh, instead threading their fingers together. After another second, Eiji suddenly pulled back, jumping off the side of the bed, and used their linked hands to attempt to pull Ash up with him. 

Ash counted with a shout of “Hey! That’s playing dirty!” and his own quick tug that easily threw Eiji off balance and brought him tumbling back onto the bed, half on top of Ash. The blond laughed despite the elbow that was accidently dug into his stomach and resituated so the two of them were lying side by side facing one another. 

Ash gave Eiji a small, warm smile that was returned with a much brighter and considerably more awake smile. They laid like that for a few minutes, exchanging a few small kisses every now and then and enjoying the quiet moment, Ash taking advantage of the time to appreciate the extra soft look of his boyfriend in the morning, a sight he rarely got to see considering his own aversion to waking up early. 

After a while, Eiji finally broke the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of them.

"If you get up, I'll make you breakfast." Ash perked up at the promise of food, and better yet, a meal cooked by Eiji, something that had become a bit of a rarity since Eiji started gaining more recognition for his photography and taking on more work and bigger jobs.

"I could go for some breakfast, yeah." 

"I'll even make your favorite!"

"Really?"

"Yep! A breakfast consisting of nothing but natto," Eiji said with a teasing grin, barely able to restrain his laughter. Ash glared at him for a second before rolling onto his side to face away from his boyfriend. Eiji laughed harder and scooted up against Ash's back, hooking his chin over Ash's bicep. 

"I'm kidding," Eiji said with a laugh. His chin dug into Ash's arm as he spoke, but not hard enough to hurt. "I'll make something 100% natto-free. Even I won't have any. In that moment, we can pretend to live in a world without natto." 

"One can only dream," Ash grumbled. Eiji made an indignant sound and pinched Ash's side. 

Ash responded with a playful growl and rolled onto his back. He wrapped an arm around Eiji's shoulders to stop him from getting away. Eiji pretended to fight back without any real effort and was easily wrestled down to lay on top of Ash, his chin propped up on the blond's sternum so Ash could see his bright eyes sparkling with mirth. Ash smiled and ran a hand through Eiji's hair, brushing his hair back away from his face. 

_“Cute,”_ Ash thought to himself. Eiji’s smile grew wider.

“Well I try,” he giggled. Maybe Ash hadn’t managed to keep that thought to himself. Ash tried to keep his blush under control while he continued to card his hand through Eiji's hair, enjoying his boyfriend's contented smile. After a few minutes, the blond sighed and stretched his arms above his head before draping them gently over Eiji’s shoulders. 

"I suppose we should get up now, huh?" Ash said with a heavy sigh. Eiji hummed in response.

"We can stay like this for a little while longer." He scooted up a little until he could nuzzle into Ash’s neck as he spoke. "I woke you up a few minutes early just to be safe. Wasn’t sure how long the process would take, after all."

"A few minutes?"

"Maybe more like 45,” Eiji said quietly, hiding a small smile against Ash’s neck.

Ash wanted to be mad. He wanted to complain about the 45 extra minutes he could have been sleeping. He really did. 

But with Eiji there in his arms and the promise of a few extra minutes set aside for just the two of them, Ash couldn't bring himself to feel annoyed in the slightest. Instead, the blond rolled his eyes and pressed a light kiss to the side of Eiji’s head. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Ash grumbled with no real annoyance behind it. Eiji laughed lightly and pulled back enough to smile brightly up at Ash.

“Well, like I said, I try.”

-X-X-X-X-X-

Ash's eyes flew open as he woke from the nightmare he had been having.

There was a sound.  
There was a movement.  
There was someone else in the room.  
There was someone right behind him. 

He quickly grabbed the knife he kept hidden in the bedside table, a habit that he was still unable to break no matter how much time had passed since he left America, and threw himself at the intruder. 

“Ash!” A familiar voice reached him. The adrenaline haze lifted from his eyes and Ash finally took in his surroundings. 

He was kneeling on the bed. Eiji was under him. One of Eiji’s arms was pinned by his side under Ash’s knee. Ash was holding the other one down next to Eiji’s head with his hand. Eiji was staring up at him with wide eyes, quietly repeating a mantra of “Ash, calm down, it’s okay.”  
And Ash had a knife pressed against his boyfriend’s throat. 

“Shit.” Ash quickly dropped the knife and threw himself backwards, scrambling back until he hit the edge of the bed and fell hard onto the floor. Eiji jumped out of bed and crouched down by Ash, but the blond scooted backwards, staying just out of Eiji’s reach. Eiji eventually just kneeled down on the floor a few feet away from his boyfriend. 

"Ash, hey, you're okay," Eiji said gently, his hands extended in front of him as if he was talking to a scared animal, "I promise you're okay. Nothing's going to hurt you here. I've got you." Ash shook his head and stared down at his hands in his lap. "Ash, please just look at me. I promise it's ok. Everything is ok." Ash shook his head again and stood up without looking at his concerned boyfriend. 

He had been seconds away from hurting Eiji, the one good thing in his life, the one person he never would have considered hurting. He was dangerous. He couldn't be trusted. He couldn't be around Eiji. He didn't deserve to be around Eiji. 

"I'm sorry, Eiji," Ash said in a hoarse whisper before turning away and walking out of the bedroom, ignoring the call of "Ash, wait, come back." He collapsed on the couch and curled into a tight ball, hands clenched into white knuckle fists at his sides. He grit his teeth to stave off the tears that threatened to spill from the corner of his eyes. 

He was dangerous. Uncontrollable. He didn't deserve something as gentle as domesticity or someone as sweet as Eiji. He had been lying to himself in thinking he could have this. 

Behind him, he heard the bedroom door open and soft footsteps approach. He curled tighter around himself in anticipation of a touch that never came. After a minute, there was a quiet, sad whisper of "Ash," followed by the rustling of fabric and the sound of someone sitting in the armchair across the room from the couch. 

"You're safe, Ash. I promise," Eiji whispered at Ash's shaking back. "I'm here for you no matter what."

Ash wanted so desperately to stand up from the couch and collapse into Eiji's arms, allow himself to break down and be put back together by his boyfriend. 

But he couldn't. He couldn't put Eiji in danger like that. 

So instead he stayed curled up on the couch, listening to the sound of Eiji's evened out breaths as he slept and allowing the sound to lull him into a fitful sleep full of flashbacks and images supplied by his own imagination of his best friend's and his boyfriend's blood on his hands.

\-----

When Eiji got home that evening, Ash was sitting at his desk with the same blanket that Eiji had thrown over him when he had been lying on the couch wrapped around his shoulders and a bowl that Eiji recognized as the one he had left Ash’s breakfast in sitting next to the keyboard. Ash himself was sitting leaned back in the desk chair staring blankly at the screen, very obviously not absorbing, or even trying to absorb if the lack of glasses was anything to go by, whatever he was looking at.

"Ash?" Eiji called out, dropping his bag and coat by the door and approaching his partner quietly. "Are you ok?" 

Ash took a deep breath and looked like he was about to speak before shaking his head and wrapping the blanket tighter around his shoulders and staring resolutely at anything but Eiji. 

Eiji gently placed his hand on the other's shoulder with a whispered "hey, Ash," but quickly removed his hand when he felt the blond tense up and move away from the contact ever so slightly. It was no secret that Ash wasn't the biggest fan of physical touch at all times and it was something that he and Eiji had discussed at length, and something Eiji had always done his best to never over step.

But Eiji couldn’t remember the last time Ash had tensed up or shied away from his touch. Eiji watched the back of Ash’s head while the blond continued to stare resolutely at the computer screen in front of him. His hand fell limply by his side and he stood there for a long time, completely at a loss for words. After a long moment of silence, the only thing that broke the eerie stillness in the apartment was Ash readjusting slightly in his seat and pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders. Eiji took a deep breath and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Ash’s shoulders in a tight hug and whisper that everything would be alright over and over again until Ash believed him. 

But he knew that that wasn’t what Ash wanted right now, and there was a chance that it would do the opposite of what he wanted and actually make Ash uncomfortable and make the whole situation worse.

“Everything is okay, Ash,” Eiji said softly into the silent room, “I’m here. We’re both safe. Everything is okay.” When Ash didn’t respond, or even look away from the screen, Eiji moved to the kitchen to give him some space, preparing dinner as quietly as possible in an attempt to not break the silence in the apartment too much. When he finished, he brought one out to the living room, letting his feet fall a little heavier against the floor as we walked so as to not startle Ash with an unnoticed approach, even though Eiji was sure that Ash’s senses were all on high alert anyway. He gently set the bowl of rice porridge on the desk, the small klink of porcelain on the desktop ringing through the room, removing the empty breakfast dish at the same time. He ran the dish back to the kitchen and grabbed his own bowl off the counter, quietly making his way back to the living room to sit down on the floor next to the coffee table, pulling out his laptop to finish up some work while he absentmindedly ate his dinner. Periodically, he would hear the sound of a spoon tapping against the edge of a bowl and Eiji’s attention was drawn to his boyfriend, who was still sitting hunched in the desk chair in front of the unchanging computer screen, but, much to Eiji’s relief, was taking occasional bites of the food set out for him. 

The hours passed and the night continued in much the same way, Eiji unwilling to break the silence for fear of making Ash feel uncomfortable and Ash sitting silently in the desk chair. As it grew later, Eiji stood from his seat on the floor, stretching his legs that he hadn’t realized had fallen asleep for a minute, before taking his and Ash’s now empty bowls to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink to be dealt with later when things were feeling a bit more normal. He went to their shared bedroom and went through his evening routine, which was usually punctuated with jokes and small moments shared with Ash, but was silent and lonely on this occasion.

When he was finished, he returned to the living room to try and check on Ash and see if he could convince him to move out of the desk chair and join him in bed. But when he walked into the living room, he found Ash curled up on the couch with the blanket and a pillow he had stolen off their bed. Eiji looked down and raised an eyebrow at him while Ash peeked up at him out of the corner of his eye, the lower half of his face hidden behind the blanket which was pulled up to his nose. 

“Will you come to bed?” Eiji asked quietly. Ash curled around himself a little tighter and Eiji could almost see his distressed frown, despite the blanket obscuring the view. 

“No,” he mumbled quietly in response.

“Any particular reason why?” 

“You know why.” Eiji rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Ash, come on. You didn’t hurt me. See?” Eiji spread his arms a bit and spun in a circle. Ash watched him but didn’t move from his spot curled up on the couch. Eiji groaned and stared down at his boyfriend. After a brief staring contest, Eiji let out an overly loud sigh and collapsed into the armchair next to the couch where Ash was laying. 

“You know what? You actually are hurting me, Ash.” Eiji heard a rustling coming from the couch as Ash sat up and started to ask what was wrong, but Eiji pressed on before the other had the chance to say anything. “You’re out here, depriving me of the simple joy of sleeping next to my boyfriend. Why? Why must you be like this?” Eiji said melodramatically. “And now I’ll have to sleep in this armchair in order to be close to the one I love since someone doesn’t want to sleep in our perfectly good bed. And sleeping all awkwardly in a chair will obviously hurt my back, seeing as I’m so old.” Eiji chanced a glance back towards the couch to see Ash sitting up with the blanket pooled in his lap, looking stuck somewhere between being amused at Eiji’s theatrics and still upset. Eiji watched him out of the corner of his eye with a small smile. 

“See? Look at all the hurt you’re causing by sleeping out here on the couch. How to fix it, you ask? Simple! Sleep in our bed. Cool. Done. Let’s go.” Eiji stood from the chair and held a hand out to help Ash up, but the other man just curled in tighter around himself, pulling his knees up under his chin and wrapping his arms around his legs.

Eiji stood in front of his boyfriend and looked down at him with a soft smile. He reached out and placed his hands gently on Ash’s shoulders. Ash stiffened for a fraction of a second before relaxing into the now familiar touch. Eiji stroked one hand through soft blond hair a few times before Ash tipped his head back to meet Eiji’s eyes. 

“Ash, come on,” Eiji whispered. He squeezed Ash’s shoulder lightly. “All jokes aside, I’m perfectly fine. You didn’t hurt me last night and I know you never will.” He kneeled down to rest his chin on Ash’s knee’s, just a breath away from Ash’s face, and tipped his head forward a bit to press their foreheads together. Ash squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. 

“I could have hurt you, though,” he finally murmured. “I could have done so much worse than hurt you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I had a knife to your throat! I’ve done much worse with much less.”

“Well you don’t have to brag about it.”

“Eiji!”

“Ash!”

“I’m being serious!”

“So am I,” Eiji said with a quiet laugh. He cupped Ash’s face in both his hands and stretched forward to press a gentle kiss to Ash's forehead. "I said it before and I'll say it again, as many times as I have to. I'm not afraid of you, Ash. Nothing you do is going to scare me off. I know you. The gentle, loving you, who would never do anything to hurt me. I trust you, Ash. I have since the first day and I will until the last." 

The blond lifted his head enough to make eye contact with Eiji, his lips pressed into a tight line. Eiji stretched forward for a quick kiss before standing up.

“So will you please just come to bed so I can cuddle you and say more nice things to you?” He grabbed one of Ash’s hands from where it was still wrapped around his legs and tugged in a weak attempt to get him to stand as well. “I know that it’s a hardship for you and all,” Eiji joked gently with a small smile and an internal, victorious fist pump as Ash slowly uncurled his legs and pressed his feet against the ground. 

Eiji walked backwards, leading Ash across the familiar path to their bedroom without letting go of his hand or breaking eye contact, still a little worried that Ash would suddenly pull back and retreat back to the couch. But the blond’s hand felt relaxed in Eiji’s grip and while he could tell Ash was still a little apprehensive, the almost imperceptible smile he was giving Eiji reassured him that nothing he was doing was making his boyfriend uncomfortable. 

Eiji walked backwards until he felt the back of his legs hit the bed. He looked away from Ash for a second, reaching back with his free hand to pull the covers back and climbing onto the bed, tugging on ash’s hand to urge him to join him on the bed. Ash followed suit without complaint. Eiji laid down on his side and held his arms open in invitation, one that Ash accepted, sliding under the covers and scooting up right next to Eiji, immediately hiding his face against Eiji’s chest and wrapping his arms tightly around his middle, squeezing tight enough that Eiji felt like the air was being pushed out of him. Eiji gently wrapped his arms around Ash’s shoulders, pulling him in close. He pressed a kiss to the top of his head and breathed in the familiar, comforting scent of his boyfriend, basking in the feeling of having him close after a long day. 

Just as Eiji was about to fall asleep, he heard Ash murmur something inaudible against his chest. 

“What was that?” Eiji mumbled sleepily into the dark room, not bothering to move his face from where it was pressed against the top of Ash’s head. Ash took a deep breath and snuggled further into Eiji’s hold. 

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” Ash said quietly, just loud enough for Eiji to make out.

“You didn’t,” Eiji replied, rubbing a hand up and down over Ash’s back. “And I know you never would intentionally.” Eiji punctuated his words with another kiss to the top of Ash’s head.

Ash sucked in a shaky breath and Eiji decided not to comment on the feeling of Ash’s tears soaking into his shirt. Ash clung to him, his shoulders shaking slightly while Eiji continued to rub his back soothingly, periodically whispering comfort and kissing his boyfriend’s forehead. After a few minutes, Ash’s breathing evened out and he let out a much steadier sigh. 

“Thank you,” Ash whispered. Eiji shook his head and brought his arms to rest around Ash’s shoulders again.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. Just get some sleep for now.”

“I love you, Eiji.” 

“I love you, too.”

-X-X-X-X-X- -X-

"Ash, open up, it's your favorite dad," Max half shouted as he knocked on the door to Ash and Eiji's apartment. He heard Shunichi laugh quietly behind him.

"Favorite dad?" His friend asked. Max paused for a second before knocking with a little more zeal. 

"Ash, open up, it's your one and only dad."

"Favorite wasn't the part I was questioning," the Japanese man laughed. After a few minutes of knocking and waiting, it became clear that no one was going to open the door. Shunichi shrugged and turned back towards the stairwell. 

"Maybe they're out somewhere. Which could have been avoided if you had just told them you were coming, but that's neither here nor there. You can come to my apartment for now and we can try again later." A dull thud behind him caught his attention and he turned to see Max rifling through his bag, mumbling to himself too softly for Shunichi to hear, before pulling out a small metal key with a triumphant smirk. He glanced at Shunichi out of the corner of his eye as he fit the key into the lock on the front door. 

"This constitutes an emergency, right? I mean, for all we know they could be hurt and unable to answer the door. Best to check and make sure they're ok." 

"Where did you even get that?" 

"Ash sent it to me," Max explained as the lock clicked and he turned the door handle with an excited smile. "Probably more as a joke than anything. I’m a little surprised it actually works. But the point is I have it and it does work, so I don't see why I can't use it." Max pushed the door open and quietly stepped inside the apartment, Shunichi reluctantly following behind him. 

"We're coming in so don't shoot or anything," Max called out into the silent apartment. Shunichi rolled his eyes.

"You're forgetting you're not in America. They don't have a gun here." Max glanced back at his friend with a faux-serious expression. 

"Never underestimate Ash Lynx." 

Shunichi found himself unable to argue as he followed Max further into the apartment, still wary of the fact that they were more or less breaking and entering. Or more like 'unlocking and entering'. Either way he was pretty sure Ash wasn't going to be in the mood to trifle with that particular technicality if he found them. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and noticed Max had continued to search the apartment without him, cracking open a few doors and peaking into the mostly empty rooms hidden behind them. 

Shunichi caught up to him just as he was pushing open the door to what they quickly realized was the bedroom. The room was dark with heavy curtains blocking out the early afternoon sunlight, the only illumination coming from some show playing on the small tv sitting atop a chest of drawers. 

On the other side of the room, they saw a large bed. In the dim light of the tv, the two men could just make out two familiar forms tangled together under the thin blankets on top of the bed, evidently taking an afternoon nap. 

Ash was lying on his back, blond hair splayed out on the pillow beneath him in a golden halo. His mouth was open slightly, breathing deep as he slept. His right arm was wrapped around Eiji’s shoulders, who was lying half next to, half on top of Ash with his head pillowed on Ash’s chest, dark hair tickling the other’s chin. Eiji had his arms wrapped securely around Ash’s middle, both boys legs tangled together under the blankets. 

With the intrusion of the sound and light that Max and Shunichi were letting into the dark, quiet room, Eiji made a small huff, shuffling closer to Ash who in turn, seemed to tighten his hold on his husband’s shoulders, instinctively trying to protect Eiji, even in his sleep. 

Max and Shunichi couldn’t help but stare at the overwhelmingly gentle image in front of them, despite the fact that they both knew they were never meant to have seen it. To see Ash Lynx, a boy whose name had once been synonymous with fear and power, a boy whose gun used to be more of an extension of his arm rather than a separate entity, sleeping so soundly and peacefully in the quiet of his shared home, instinctively holding Eiji so gently and protectively, would have been nearly impossible to compute had Max and Shunichi not both been a part of Ash and Eiji’s journey from the very beginning and seen the two grow impossibly closer and more in love as the days passed. 

The two men stood there, stunned and unmoving, for another minute before Shunichi regained his senses, gently resting a hand on Max’s shoulder and urging his friend to step away. Max nodded and closed the door as quietly as possible so as not to disturb the two napping inside. They walked back to the living room in silence and Shunichi headed for the front door, expecting Max to follow suit. However, when he reached the door and turned to check that Max was still behind him, he instead saw the other grinning widely as he flopped down on the living room couch. 

“What are you doing?” Shunichi hissed at him. Max laughed quietly in response, both of them still doing their best to not wake the boys. 

“Those two have a pretty good idea. An afternoon nap sounds like a pretty good idea to me.”

“You can sleep at my place and just come back later,” Shunichi urged.

“But I’m already here,” Max responded, “and they have a surprisingly nice couch, what the fuck.” The last part of the sentence was muttered more to himself than anything as he moved around and made himself more comfortable. He shrugged and continued talking more to himself than anything. 

“I guess I did help Ash buy a luxury apartment once, so I shouldn’t be too surprised, huh.”

“Do you not think there will be an issue when they wake up and find that you’ve broken into their apartment?” 

“Again, I had a key so I don’t really feel like this constitutes breaking into their apartment,” Max explained. Shunichi shook his head, knowing that Max had made up his mind and there was no way he was going to convince him to leave the apartment now. 

“Fine, but you better not wake those two up. And don’t come crying to me when Ash tries to shoot you when he finds you here.”

“I thought you said they wouldn’t have guns now since we’re not in America,” Max teased, already half asleep on the couch.

“Never underestimate Ash Lynx,” Shunichi parroted Max’s line back to him, rolling his eyes when he noticed his friend had quickly fallen asleep. He quietly let himself out of the apartment, making sure the door was locked before leaving. 

Whatever happened to Max once Ash woke up was Max’s own fault at this point. And if Eiji asked him if he had known anything about it later, he wouldn’t say anything.

\------

Eiji was woken from his nap by the sound of the great and fearsome Ash Lynx shrieking like a small child.

Before he even had time to react and throw himself out of bed to check on his boyfriend, Eiji heard familiar, boisterous laughter and what sounded suspiciously like a book being thrown and smashing into the coffee table instead of the man who was surely its intended mark, along with an indignant shout of "what the fuck are you doing in our apartment, old man?!"

**Author's Note:**

> S o f t, amiright?  
> Anyway, I'd like to believe that this doesn't rank in the top ten worst pieces of media you've consumed lately, but hey I wouldn't be surprised if it did!  
> Oh, as always, feel free to come chat on tumblr with me [ @icyhot-alchemist ](https://icyhot-alchemist.tumblr.com/)  
> Thanks so much for reading!


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